Something I can now share....

I feel I can share this now...almost 9 months later. I came across a journal entry (yes, I keep a random journal) and I felt it would be appropriate to blog. Not because I want to blog, but I feel it could help others. Well, here it goes....

1/22/10

In light of our most recent fight, I write down these thoughts....
Have we forgotten to bring God into our relationship? In a sense, banished him in this area, so he has given up on us or is it the devil making himself known?
What frustrates me is I know that Elias, Joslyn, and I could be three of his greatest warriors here on earth. I feel like the devil works on Elias constantly so he can't be. I don't feel like all of our problems are caused by Elias, I don't. I do feel however, disappointed that Elias allows the devil to prey on him so easily. Maybe that's why "respect" is so hard for me, because I know Elias is better than that. He is so strong. If he put an ounce of what he puts into work towards God, it would be GREAT!
Both of us are prideful, it's human nature. For the last 7 months I feel, I've really tried to put all I can towards God and fulfilling his purpose for me. I've quit and done things halfway most of my life. God and my relationship with Him will not be that way. I don't know how to continue on without Elias, he's my rock. The one I count on to protect and care for me. Is he jealous that I seem to lean on God more know? Why would someone be jealous of God?
Back to pride, I don't feel Elias has bowed to Him fully and that's why he has such a hard time. I get angry about it. I do. When I bring it up, Elias just gets mad.
I asked Elias to pray for us tonight before dinner. He said I could pray for myself. When I, again, pointed out that the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader, he mumbled, "maybe I don't want to be."
What do I do about that? I know to give it over to God. I know that. How long do I have to wait?! I know God's will will be done, but as the human I am, He must understand it is sooo frustrating.


As I look back on this entry, I realize how far Elias and I, along with Joslyn, have come. Not only as a family, but as friends. It's easier for me to speak to Elias about God, he still doesn't frequent church, but there is hope. Joslyn and I both attended Bible school this summer. She as a student, me as a teacher. It was great. My leaning on God has not lessened but Elias has come to terms, I don't feel as hopeless in my relationship with Elias anymore. It's something that takes time. I believe that by the time January of 2011 rolls back around, that more will have changed. I'm counting on it.